one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
