There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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