Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
