Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
