At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
