we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
