whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
