i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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