P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
