"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
