I think I died a long time ago.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
