Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
