apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
