JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
