I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Your penis caused this!
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