Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
