i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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