So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
