I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
