So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
