How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
