I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
