Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
