what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
