i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
