I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
