If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
