you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
