love makes seman taste better
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
