I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
