remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
