ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
