She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
