saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
