what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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