I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
