I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You've changed since you got that strap on
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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