Im at strip club and am horny
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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