I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
