Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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