So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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