a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
