I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
