i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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