If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
