I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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