I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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