He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
