I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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