Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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